The first few months

Hello!

It's been a while.  It's been a tiring week for everyone in my home.  Little C's top four teeth are all coming in AT THE SAME TIME.  Big C's school work is finally catching up with him.  So I've been trying to maintain the sanity in the home for the both of them, which is gratifying even if it is ridiculously exhausting.

I hope everyone has been doing well! I can't believe it's already Thursday.  I feel like it was just yesterday that I was jumping for joy from finding out that Big C had a three day weekend.  Where has the time gone?

So I figured I would finish up on all my blunt ranting about becoming a mother.  Just click the link if you're interested to read what I have to say...




The first couple of days in the hospital with little C was pretty amazing.  Looking back, I wish I had sent him to the nursery more when I wanted to sleep, but I was too excited to see my little guy and enjoy his presence.  It was all very surreal.  Learning to breast feed, reading all these informative brochures, watching him move on his own, sleeping never, and hoping he would soil his diaper all hit home on the fact that I was a mom.  A real live mom.  The nurses were helpful.  I'm pretty certain every hospital provides lactation counseling/services for those who choose to breast feed.  I never had an issue with little C latching on so I didn't take advantage of the facilities.  However, it's there for you if you need it!

Breast feeding is rewarding and beneficial for both mom and baby, but it's also a personal choice.  There are several reasons why moms don't breast feed and that's fine.  I'm a big believer in it, but, just like my stance on any sort of issue, I respect an individual and her right to choose.  Whatever mom decides to do is best.

Here's my little tangent about breast feeding: it's difficult at first.  It's really a challenge.  Yes, it's painful.  Yes your nipples may bleed.  Yes, it has the potential to be frustrating, but don't give up.  Remember when you learned to ride a bike? Or try a new recipe? Or just try something for the first time? Now you may do those things easily.  Like you were born with that ability.  Think of breast feeding like that.  It doesn't happen easily the first time.  For me, it took a week.  The pain subsided and little C had no issue with being fed.  Like learning new activities, it takes practice.  And remember to breathe.  If you start to get anxious, take a minute to calm yourself down and breathe.  Once you're a bit more tranquil, try again.  Trying to be level headed is the most challenging yet the most helpful aspect of motherhood.  I mean, that's all I can say so far.  Little C doesn't really know he has a mind of his own yet, so I haven't gotten to the tantrums or the rejection of things yet! I'll keep my fingers crossed...

Anyways, let me finish up on breast feeding.  Ask the hospital for soothing cream for your nipples.  I had packets and packets of samples (I saw that it cost $10 for a tube at Meijer).  Just ask the hospital if they have any samples so that you don't have to go to the store the first week when you're overwhelmed as it is.  Your boobs will be sore when the milk comes in at first.  Just massage them under a hot shower and pump away!  Ask your hospital nurses about pumps if you don't have one already.  They may be able to help you out.

Now, I won't go into specific detail about every single day of the first few months.  I just really want to center in on the hormones and the rapid changes taking place.

I was a mess.  A hot, hot mess.  I was crying all the time over ridiculous things.  That's normal.  My body was trying to normalize itself after being stocked full of hormones that were necessary to hold a baby.  The whole sleep deprivation and breast feeding woes probably exacerbated the issue of being a hormonal maniac, too.

If you're a new mom, or about to deliver, or just curious about my thoughts on being sleep deprived, you won't get much besides this: take it one day at a time.  Don't think back to how much sleep you got the night before or how much you won't sleep in the future.  Just take the day and make the most of that.  Live in the present and just appreciate any rest that you are actually able to get.

Sometimes it's unnerving and foreign and uncomfortable.  But you know what? It's okay to feel that.  It's okay to experience it.  It will only make you stronger.

My world had been turned upside down.  I couldn't do anything sometimes but break down and cry.  I didn't cry every single second, but I was easily led to tears in certain situations.  I worried a lot about how to correctly raise little C.  How to correctly train him to sleep and to eat and to poop.  There came a point where I had to just relax and tell myself that everything would work out.  There isn't a correct way in motherhood.  You do what's best for you and your baby regardless of what other people dictate to you.  As long as what you decide to do helps your baby, not harms your baby.

Little C wasn't being very understanding of his mother's emotional issues.  He was a newborn after all.  Here's something to be mindful of: newborns test you.  They change their cries to shrieks or whatever tone they want to change it to to get your attention.  It's just their way to ensure they get their needs met immediately.  I wish I had known that the first night home.  I was freaking out over his shrieks to find out my little trickster had planned it that way all along.  Babies are so much smarter than we give them credit for.

Eventually, my hormones were more regulated and I learned to adjust to my new life.  Regardless of what people say, becoming a mom changes you.

Sure, I'm still the bitter, blunt and sarcastic person that people know (and love) me as.  However, my attitude about a lot of things has changed.  I'm more loving, understanding and accepting of people.  I desire to be better for little C and I aspire to be more selfless and less selfish.

Becoming acclimated to motherhood was a struggle at times, but it's well worth it.  I wouldn't change the challenges for anything in the world.  The mishaps and the hardships have only improved me as a whole.

I apologize for the random thoughts of this entry.  I wanted this to be better in terms of organization.  

Going back to the hormones..if you're feeling out of place, strange, just overall like you aren't adjusting, ask for help.  Have someone near and dear to you (whether it be your significant other, relative, or friend) be honest with you about how you're being emotionally.  You may not see what you're doing or how you're acting.  If someone is concerned, then take his words into consideration.  Talk to your doctor.  Be honest.  There's no harm in telling the truth.  There is harm in concealing your feelings and your post partum depression for the sake of pride.  Sure, your top priority is your little bundle of joy, but in order to help your precious baby, you have to be well yourself, right? At least that's how I feel.  Talk to your doctor. If you feel like you need antidepressants, then go ahead.  No one will know unless you tell.

What did I do? I can hardly remember.  I tried to talk to someone about my feelings.  I tried to make sure I had a good support system.  I weeded out those who weren't understanding of my new role in my life.  It's unfortunate, but some people just won't understand nor respect you being a mom.  It's sad, but hey, that's life.  You can only learn from people like that and move on.  Oh, and I also had/have a therapist.

I know there's a huge stigma about seeing one.  And I'm not going to force you to do it.  I am just going to say I'm a huge advocate of it.  It's not just going and venting for an hour.  I love therapy because if you go to a GOOD one, he/she will help you learn to become a healthy person mentally.  Healthy as in learning positive ways to communicate and handle emotions.  I go because I learn to care for myself and I know that this will help me become a better mother.  There are a lot of reasons why I go, but it's helped me view my life in a positive way.  I learn to handle abrupt changes, whether good or bad, and am able to live a joyous and happy life.  What I have learned about therapy: IMO, if you're willing to put in the work to improve yourself and "fix" yourself, then you'll be pretty successful.  The key word is willing.  Therapists aren't there to tell you what to do.  They're there to help you come to a better understanding of yourself.  It involves insight and introspection.  You've been warned.

I worried a lot during the first few months.  Hell, I still worry now, but I can see when I'm being rather irrational.  It gets better.  You may feel like you don't know what you're doing, but you'll wake up one day or stop in your tracks one day and see that you've been a mom for a while.  And that you're doing a pretty good job if you do say so yourself.  Just talk to someone.  Don't bottle it in.  That's the best lesson I've learned from being a new mom.

I struggled a lot with adjusting, too.  I hate change especially when it's completely out of my control.  Now, I'm starting to see the fun and humor in that.  I couldn't grow and learn and improve without change (or without letting go of control).  Knowing that things can change rather quickly keeps life a little exciting.

If you've made it this far, thanks.  I hope you get something, just anything out of this.  I wish I could be more articulate, but I'm exhausted.  And I just discovered Scramble with Friends.  So I think I need to zone out playing that game.  I'm not very good.

Again, I'm always open to suggestions about what to blog about next.  Please leave comments!!!

Have a great night everyone!

Until next time.